There is empirical evidence that explains how our clients achieve lasting change and healing. There are many components to such change. However, one vital component is this: Healing is an experience. As a therapist, you are invited to learn how to provide such experience in therapy. Without delving into neuroscience and behavioral science, understand that repeated behaviors or thoughts create neurological pathways. Over time, these pathways become the fastest route in our responses. Our body houses our emotions, and the amygdala does not have a time stamp. It does not know if the trauma or negative experience was in the past or is currently happening. Assuming the individual has not proactively worked on retraining the amygdala, the past is the present.

Clients may have many negative and disturbing thoughts about themselves. Working at a cognitive level is important and necessary. However, we are not in the business of convincing our clients that they have worth. For them to believe in their mind and heart that they have worth, they need to experience it. This is easier said than done. The evidence shows that the negative beliefs about themselves were experienced many times. Once I assist my clients in identifying their negative core beliefs, I ask what evidence supports these beliefs. They often provide significant evidence: rape, emotional abuse, neglect, postpartum experiences, etc. These emotionally embodied experiences literally changed their neural pathways to believe they are worthless, creating havoc in their lives now.

We can help our clients change their beliefs by changing the actual evidence that condemns them. I get excited about this because it’s amazing to see healing occur right in front of me. After working to establish grounding skills and SUDs (Subjective Units of Distress) lists, I walk with them into those stories, emotionally exposing the hurt. I invite my clients to say or do something that would validate and honor their emotions in that time and place. This creates a new neural pathway, different from the one before, creating a new core memory. For example, instead of feeling helpless when someone was on top of them, they can now push the person off, experiencing empowerment rather than helplessness. This changes their belief from “I am weak” to “I am strong.”

I have many clients who I invite to say or do something they didn’t say or do then. Some clients express their hurt in a raw and vulgar manner, while others might kick a chair, punch a pillow, or ‘push away’ an attacker. Some need to validate their experience of feeling trapped by standing or walking out, then coming back in. I challenge them to do that. I encourage my clients to use the empty chair to talk to themselves in that negative experience. Many times, I invite my clients to say the words they had not allowed themselves to say for years. Activating these new behaviors changes the neurological structure, making the emotional brain perceive this as the new reality.

When I ask my clients to validate their emotions through actions like punching a pillow or talking to an empty chair, they often feel awkward at first. I reassure them that once their emotional brain goes there, they will be fully engulfed in the experience as if they were back in that experience again. It’s incredible to see the enormous courage of my clients to revisit these vulnerable experiences and change how they respond. The transformation occurs right in front of your eyes. And it works. Afterward, my clients report a significant decrease in emotional distress and an increase in freedom, peace, and relief. Over time, they report a change in their beliefs and daily life, increasing their confidence and self-appreciation. This also gives them the tools to practically audit their emotions outside the office.

Don’t just talk about change with your clients; let your office be an opportunity to experience change. Don’t be afraid to invite your clients to stand up and reenact pushing or kneeling down and screaming into a pillow while expressing regret. It may be awkward, but it is miraculous to see the joy and peace that comes after. They are no longer held down by the past but have found a new reality and created a new memory. They were helpless, but now they are empowered because they did something about it. This changes the belief that they are worth fighting for, and as their belief changes, so does their life.