Pay attention to your client’s body language. What they do with their bodies or what they don’t do will give you a greater insight to what is occurring in their mind and in their hearts. Such insight will give you the ability to uncover deeper truths as well as the ability to “dance”, that is to engage in the art of counseling.

Whether your client is looking at the ground and is avoiding eye contact or their muscles are visibly tense, they’re crossing their legs and arms in an effort to build a wall of perceived safety, or one of my personal favorites, there’s a change of their tone of voice, whether they go low or increase their volume, observing this is a gold mine of information. If you’re not paying attention you will most likely miss out on some of the most significant opportunities for healing. Assist your client in learning how to communicate that they are scared to open up and how to be vulnerable is done by first making them aware of their body, to open up their arms or relax their muscles, or invite them to look at you, meeting your gaze and having the meditation of another’s eyes break through the darkness of shame and self hatred. It is said that people communicate 90 percent with their bodies. A minuscule twitch of the mouth, an eye role, a small barely audible laugh, should be explored. Who knows what you’ll find. Whatever you find, will lead you and your client to further insight, awareness, and guide you and your client along the journey of healing much more efficiently. It starts with, “I’m noticing that you’re looking down when I mentioned your worth” or “I noticed you clenched your hands when you were telling me the story about your mom yelling at you” or “I’m noticing that your tone of voice is getting softer as you tell me what happened to you. Can you share with me what is happening?” In one of my favorite books, Gift of Therapy, Ivan Yalom mentions how the here and now of therapy, (what is occurring right before my eyes in therapy) is “grist for the mill.” The significant components that lead to growth and transformative healing. From what I read and in my personal experience as a therapist, body language in the present moment is truly a gold mine of information and profound truth waiting to be uncovered. So go ahead, slow down and ask about the here and now experience of your client and see what adventure they take you on.

Like I said earlier, learning to read your client’s body language gives you the ability to learn how to “dance” or participate in the art of therapy. One weakness I still struggle with in session is instinctively knowing when to “jump in ” and paraphrase or ask a question after what I perceive to be after my client is done telling me something. When I miscalculate the timing, I end up talking over them, cutting them off from needed space to process. Therefore, I’m learning how to trust my instincts rather than analyze, “ok when do I ask a question or when should I jump in to paraphrase.” Instead, I treat it like any other positive, organic conversation I have with others, such as family, friends, or co-workers. And I let go of the preconceived questions I have “ready” but to allow for exploration; choosing to go down paths that have yet to be trodden. Choosing to allow the conversation to go where it needs to go without any force or persuasion. Letting go of having to know “where we should be going” or needing to have the right answers or questions. I’ve learned to say to myself, “I don’t know where we will end up. That’s ok, let’s find out.”

 Through body language I can determine to take a few steps, keeping in rhythm and flow in conversation with my clients. A practical way I’ve learned to do that is by noticing when my clients are telling me something, then pause as they are done speaking, if they are not making eye contact with me, I usually wait to respond because the eyes indicate if they are still processing their thoughts and emotions and if that is the case, you want to give them space to continue that process. Versus when they stop and look right back at me. This eye contact indicates, “ I’ve completed this thought” giving way for me to step into the space and continue the exploration.

Therefore, learning to understand your client’s body language will give you the ability to actualize best practice as a therapist.