You will experience suffering and distress in your personal life, that is a fact. Don’t choose to fall into the idea that as a therapist you are supposed to have a perfect life. You will have hard, personal days and still have to go to work. Learn to surrender and strive to believe that you are still very capable of providing the best care for others.

There’s value in suffering.  One reason in particular is you are more authentic and empathic when working with your clients. Don’t think to be an exceptional therapist that our life is free of woe or that you yourself won’t struggle. On the contrary,  if you personally choose to fight for change in your personal life and allow such acceptance to influence your time as a counselor, then maybe you’ll become an exceptional counselor. Keep in mind the session is not about us, so we don’t bring our own baggage in and devolve it on our clients. It’s saying “I know what suffering is, let me help.” Thus allowing yourself to suffer will help you work with your clients to accept and transform their suffering.

Ok so, the kicker is, to accept your struggle but not bring it with you in a way that causes you to not fully be present to your client and causes you to be distracted. Your clients need you to be fully present and engaged. I remember many times, I would come into the office completely overwhelmed with anxiety, sadness or angry over a personal matter. And what I’ve been learning is to let go and surrender my thoughts and emotions of such experiences. Practicing mindful meditation techniques can help ground you into the moment. But I believe you may want to go a little farther and offer a prayer of surrender. What this does is orient your mind from what you can’t control to handing over that fear to Someone who has control, your heavenly Father. The act of surrender can help assist your ability to set aside your troubles in a safe place, helping you to then focus on what’s happening in that room and not what’s happening outside your office. However, doing it as an act of surrender to God can allow for you to be reassured, “you will be ok so let’s get to work.” If you are not able to be fully present and your own suffering is getting the best of you, don’t come into work. Your clients need you to be fully present. If you can’t give them that attention and level of care maybe, consider taking a day off. As hard as it really is, I remember a few times where I took a personal day. As awful as I felt thinking, “I’m the worst therapist because I’m abandoning my clients” (which is totally not true) I had the awareness to consider taking time for myself and witnessing to my clients that it’s ok to practice self-care. Going into a session distracted and distressed, I may have actually been the “worst counselor” by not listening, projecting, and doing more harm than good. 

The second principle you want to keep in mind is that you are still a good enough person and counselor to continue to help others. I don’t know about you, but many times I would come into work after a distressing experience or after making a huge mistake, to then have these intrusive thoughts of inadequacy, “I’m the worst therapist because I can’t handle my anxiety or emotions right now” or “I was just so mean to my family, I am a complete mess and feel like shit. I am not capable or good enough to be a counselor.” Whatever the lie is that you experience when you walk into your office to provide therapy, don’t believe it! Yes, maybe do some CBT techniques on yourself but more importantly, as a therapist, you are in fact learning how to be vulnerable with suffering and distress. Being a therapist doesn’t make you a superhuman. The kicker is to not avoid your struggle but to allow it to impact you in a way that allows you to be more real, honest, vulnerable, and authentic with your clients. Many times, my clients come in with self-criticism and hateful thoughts about themselves. This allows me to accept my own suffering, let go of distraction, and empathize with myself (by not believing the lies). I am able to be fully present and more empathetic towards my clients because I’ve done that to myself first.

You’re allowed to have a bad day as a therapist. Yes, you do have the responsibility to maintain composure and work through whatever is happening internally so that you can be attentive to your clients. However, don’t think in a million years that your personal struggles, suffering, vices or difficulties make you a “bad or terrible” therapist. Giving yourself space to process your experience and allowing yourself to be fully present, fully alive, and authentic with your clients, thus allowing for your clients to have the space to have “bad day” and find yet great value in their own suffering. Learn to surrender and don’t believe the lies. Surrender your fears and allow yourself to be comfortable being truly you. Thus, you give witness to the glory of healing. I am me, I am good, I am flawed, I am a working progress. Let’s get to work.