Reinforce and celebrate with your client’s ability to enact their sense of agency for themselves, and in particular their agency with you in therapy.

What do I mean by agency? What I mean is this; the power and ability to choose for oneself, to advocate and decide a different path based upon authentic self confidence and trust. Keep in mind that one of the main goals for therapy is to have your client learn enough to go and live independently from therapy, that is, to be their own therapist. Thus utilizing what they learned from their therapist rather than being dependent on their therapist to fix their issues. Particularly in the therapeutic sessions because there’s a stigma and an unspoken expectation that the therapist is the one in authority and that the therapist ‘has all the answers and knows best’. As Ivan Yalom said in his book The Gift of Therapy there are two experts in the therapy session. The therapist, who is the expert on the science and art of therapy but also the client who knows the most about themselves. Thus if they utilize their sense of agency not only are they applying practical change but that they are significantly increasing their ability to advocate for themselves despite fear, doubt, or shame. Thus, grounding themselves in their true worth. If I allow myself to choose my values while facing possible judgment or harsh treatment, then I’m finding my worth in my true self and not what others think of me. 

Keep in mind, for a client to act upon their sense of agency, significant trust needs to be established in therapy. I remember working with a client who during a “debrief” session after working through some significant emotions and memories was honest with me and shared that she felt rushed by me. She reported that I came across as being critical in my responses to her. I’ll have to admit that it was difficult to hear what my client shared with me, however, I celebrated her reflection and her willingness to share with me. I was able to utilize her reflection to develop a greater insight and deeper trust as I sought out bettering my approach; proving that I was listening to her. 

On other occasions during sessions, I would have clients when invited to complete a technique or to share a personal reflection voice that they were not ready to complete such tasks. At which I reinforced their honesty with me and their trust in me through increased insight. Emphasizing that they are allowed to say no to their therapist. Many times clients would come to session with a skip in their step or smile on their face and they would share with me how they made a personal choice, advocated for themselves, or simply decided to choose to value themselves for once. These short examples and many others depict the reality and truth of reinforcing a client’s willingness to advocate for themselves starting in therapy. We strive then as therapists to help our clients get to a place where they can say,  if I learn to speak up and validate my self worth, even if it’s simply being vulnerable and honest of how I feel towards my therapist, then maybe I can do the same in my personal life thus transforming my negative beliefs about myself and having a significant impact on my daily life.