Who do you see in front of you?

I encourage you to frequently ask this question when you meet with each of your clients. This reflection will assist you in seeing past your client’s brokenness and problems. This contemplation of the person sitting before you allows you to see something more; a soul, a person of insurmountable worth and potential. This question often enables you to see your client more clearly, to see the truth and beauty of the individual. The reason for this clarity is to help you, as their therapist, to provide hope and motivation to help them see that they are worth fighting for. All humans have worth and, therefore, are permitted to live a free and meaningful life. 

Who do you see in front of you? 

By contemplating this question, it forms you into a deeper understanding of what it means to be a therapist. It cultivates that as therapists we are not merely helpers of external problems, but are truly companions of those seeking truth about the world, their circumstances, and most importantly, about themselves. Thus, knowing such truth empowers you to show them what you see. 

So, what do you see? 

A young client that I used to work with grew up experiencing love that was only conditional. My client believed that he didn’t deserve to be loved, accepted, or seen. Many times, he resisted love and acceptance from others unless he “earned it first”. For a long time, he never thought he was good enough. Due to these beliefs, he resisted any authentic actions of love from family or friends. There was a significant amount of shame that needed to be pulled back and the treasure therein rediscovered. There were significant moments during therapy where, during specific exercises, I decided to disclose to him (based upon my observations and the movement of the moment) what I, as his therapist, saw in him. I can still remember the silence that followed, the tears and then…the smile. In this moment he granted these words to penetrate his heart and his resistance and, therefore, allowed himself to believe these truths that were said about him. This small but significant change occurred through the pondering of this question; Who do you see in front of you? Followed by my willingness to share my reflection and exposing my client to the truth about himself. Never let the opportunity pass to let your clients know what you see in them.

Who do you see in front of you?

Be empowered to disclose what you see in front of you. I’m not one to “just tell my client’s what they want to hear”. We have to teach them to believe it for themselves. Like a young child crying while being held in their mother’s arms seeking soothing words that “you are ok. I’m here. You are loved”. Similarly, our clients need and ask for us to point out the truth to them. And even more so, we help them sit and contemplate upon the goodness of who they are. Try to understand what your client is asking. They know themselves the best. What I mean by this is that, intentionally or unintentionally your clients are making bids or requesting something from you. Reassurance, a listening ear, someone to challenge and hold them accountable, someone to walk with them, a reminder, or to be simply noticed. More often than not, they are not here to be reminded of their mistakes, weaknesses, or sins. In a way, by coming to sessions, our clients are asking if they still matter, if they still have values, if they are still good. And the kicker is, they ask these questions in many ways. They ask through what they don’t say or even in their behavior during the session. A slight look away or looking down, a lower tone of voice, letting their sentences trail off, tears streaming down their face, etc. Learn to identify what they are asking and how they are asking it. I’ve seen clients that view themselves with such hatred, anger, and shame. Then, suddenly, during a painful exchange, you ask them to look up and make eye contact with you. They reluctantly do so and in that moment they are exposed to a different reality. A different truth than the one they were living. The truth is that they are worth being seen and valued. In this moment, they are seen, valued, and accepted. This can have an enormous impact. It crystallizes an actual experience that contradicts their normal beliefs about themselves, proven by past negative experience. Here, there is some proof to suggest that maybe “I am good enough and valued. For here in my greatest shame or suffering someone was willing to look at me and see who I truly am.”

Who do you see in front of you? 

Learn to notice, be honest with what you see, and invite your clients into such a miraculous vision of truth, goodness, and beauty.