In the book by Irvin D. Yalom, The Gift of Therapy, he claims that the “interpersonal problems of the patient will manifest themselves in the here and now of the therapy relationship”. (Yalom, 2002, p. 48) From my short experience in this field, I can echo this statement. The here-and-now of therapy is very valuable, cherish it. The here-and-now can be defined as the emotions and experience that occurs in session regarding the session or therapist itself. The content of therapy are the issues or topics that are discussed and processed during therapy. For example, talking about how “I felt abandoned as a kid” or “my anxiety about the future” . The here-and-now pertains to the “process” of therapy; what the client is experiencing now during the therapy session.

One of the unique and treasured realities of therapy is that many clients are willing to share their personal and intimate thoughts and feelings with you. With the growth of rapport and trust with a client they begin to share what they have not told anyone else. Even still, however, many times they will resist telling you what is on their mind and heart.

 On many occasions I have had clients begin to share with me an intimate story or feeling when suddenly, I notice a shift in their eyes, they start looking away or down to the ground. They begin to redirect their story or start talking in vague terms or descriptions, all indicating that they are entering into a deeper vulnerability that they wish to avoid. Noticing such resistance, I would make an observation such as, “I notice that you stopped short of what you were about to tell me”, “it seems like you were telling me something important but then you pulled away,” “I’m noticing you’re looking down at the ground,”  or “tell me what may be happening right now”. Here they begin to open up more deeply by saying that they are afraid of how I might react to them and that I would judge them. Or other times clients would claim that they have never shared “this information” with anyone before. (Oh the secrets that we therapists are privileged in hearing. Listen to them, the telling of secrets points to trust that they are experiencing with you. Safeguard and cultivate that trust.) Many times it is the first time they are actually speaking out loud and what they know to be true in their heart. Such verbalization can be very healing as well as be difficult or jolting. Many times, after reinforcing a client’s breakthrough, I would ask what made them decide to share their deeper thoughts and feelings. For the sake of “building confidence in vulnerability and learning to trust in oneself” they follow up by saying, “well it’s your job to listen and not judge”. I share with them that it’s my job to show up to the office but it is my personal choice to listen and enter into their life, to their experience, to their mess. I reassure them that they can invest and learn to be vulnerable in this process because they can expect that from me. I’m not a robot in session, I have my own reactions, thoughts, and emotions. Therapy is between two real people.  

The here-and-now of therapy is very important to facilitate growth and healing, as Yalom would say, “it’s grist for the mill.” Meaning that, the experience, emotions, and reflections during therapy about the present moment can aid the client’s process of personal transformation. There are many examples that I have with my clients, who after making an observation with regards to how they were reacting to a comment I made or something they just disclosed, we discussed their reactions and emotions to the present or process of therapy. Not only is there an incredible amount of information that is uncovered and thus aids the healing of the content that is being worked on but how much the here-and-now reveals the heart and soul of my clients. You want to encourage and teach them to trust others, to learn how to be vulnerable, and to ultimately learn how to love and accept themselves.In therapy, talk about what is happening “now” and they will reveal to you more of their heart then you could have ever thought possible. I have found how moving and impactful these experiences are to me as their therapists and how much I cherish them! What great joy and privilege it is for us therapists to witness the soul’s, man, to see true goodness and beauty in each of our clients. All because we took the time (and yes, vulnerability on our end as well) to stop and open up about what is occurring between the client and therapist. The revealing of the soul leads to greater trust. Cherishing that trust is one of the main core foundations of being able to heal. 

It can take time for our clients to open up about their own insecurities and negative core beliefs before they can truly hear and accept what you are saying. Therefore, noticing and entering into the here-and-now will further that process, providing content to unpack and therefore reinforce change and give tangible evidence of healing. Pay attention to the here-and-now; you will find gold!