Learn to be true to yourself while in session. Be honest and deliberate about the observations, summaries, and reflections you make regarding the content that your client is bringing to you. At the same time also be honest and authentic with your own emotions, your reactions and reflections that may be experienced during the session. At times you may make a mistake or “say the wrong thing”. Own up to it, be honest about it and accept that you’re human too. You may allow yourself to make a joke, or a sarcastic remark, knowing that your client would connect with such a comment. Don’t be afraid to be you in session. Share your personality, your quirks, the humanistic part of you. You’re not a sterile doctor, but a caretaker of souls; you’re allowed to be yourself. 

Many of my clients remind me of this reality. A client I have seen on many occasions would become self conscious when she would stumble over her words while talking with me in session. She would apologize, but in fact, it was a great relief to me since I struggled with my words at times. I reassured her of my own struggle and now when either of us stumbles, we will laugh and say “you know words”. This allows us to connect more and increase our therapeutic rapport and trust. 

Be true to who you are in therapy. You are not a robot, you are not their savior, or a perfect therapist. You are a human with real emotions and a real heart. Our clients come to therapy for more than techniques and insight, they value a therapist who is authentic. Now, I want to clarify that the skills and techniques that we learn in our training are very important in regards to providing practical application for change. The “tool box” of counseling is vital for practical and attainable growth. At the same time the rapport and connection between therapist and client is the base to forming a successful and trusting relationship with a client. It is only with that trust that clients will be willing to take risks, confront their inner demons and make change.  The kicker is, how will you build rapport and connect with your client? Be yourself. Someone who is honest with them and authentically themselves. In fact, by embracing your personal style of therapy and your values, you model to your client that it’s ok for them to embrace themselves as well. 

The therapeutic relationship needs to be genuine and authenticated by two people. One of the great beauties of counseling is that not one counselor is the same. Counseling comes in different flavors. Like a counseling friend of mine who occasionally sits with his legs draped along the side of arms of the chair, inviting a sense of ease and “push back” on the formality and strict rules of social conversation. A style I greatly admire. Another counselor I know, occasionally wears their favorite football jersey during football season. Or another counselor who’s confident with herself and, in the confines of trust with her client, would ask if it would be ok to eat her lunch during the session. Best to be open and honest with your client rather than to let your stomach rumble loudly, especially during therapeutic silence (of which I personally admit to having done). Another good friend of mine, who’s also a counselor, has a down to earth personality. Her creative and free spirit attire and her ability to laugh and use humor as a vehicle of connection brings about such a unique experience to her clients. I also found myself integrating my personality style in session by having a coffee in session in my mug that tells a joke (how many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the lightbulb has to want to change.) The amount of conversations that mug has started… All this is good because it means that therapists are staying true to themselves. Learn to embrace your own flavor of counseling. Nurture it and allow yourself to be true to who you are and let that in during sessions. Your clients won’t just see a therapist, they will see who you are as a person and it’s your authentic self that they want to talk to. So be you!