Reflect on the most difficult thing about being a therapist.

Now consider the most rewarding.

This exercise is to help you recognize what blind spots you may have or any areas of weakness that you need to continue to work on, as well as be able to relish and rejoice in the good work that you are currently doing.

What is one of the most difficult things for me during a session?

One of the most difficult things for me as a therapist while in session is how often I get in the way of the process of the counseling itself. What I mean is that I tend to think about what I want to say in response to what the client is saying. I get ahead of myself, in the session, by anticipating what I should say instead of allowing the discussion to flow naturally. Doing so, I end up being inattentive to what is being said. Often, what I do end up saying is long-winded and may miss the mark, mostly because I wasn’t listening in the first place. I also struggle with worrying about what I “should” or “need” to say to give insight, as if I’m some kind of wise monk and all-knowing, however, insight doesn’t come from me. I’m working on being more present to my clients when they talk. Being a new therapist is an exciting adventure. Every day I’m learning to have confidence in myself and to trust my training. I’m learning to accept the ambiguity of the process and to surrender what’s ahead in the discussion. I’m striving to be fully present with each of my clients, to listen attentively, and provide feedback or empathy at the right moments.  

What is the most difficult thing for me outside of a therapy session?

Outside of therapy, one of the most difficult realities for me is the isolation of being a private practitioner. One of the main reasons I took on contracting work was to grow in independence and to build my counseling brand. The downside to that is at the beginning, I didn’t have peer support. Besides my supervisor, I have found myself being the only one to rely on when I had a question or ran into a situation that I needed help with. I quickly realized the importance of peer support and how I needed a few therapists whom I could listen to and who would keep me accountable. I decided to take it upon myself to create a peer counseling group. I simply started by looking up counselors in the area and calling them. A few responded. I told them who I was and that I wanted to meet with them individually to get to know them and see how we could network with one another. After a few follow-up meetings with these counselors, I suggested that we meet as a group every other week or so, to catch up and go over some cases we were struggling with and share insight. Attempting to keep it casual but productive. The impact that this group has had on me so far has been incredible! I didn’t realize how much I would love talking to other counselors. I feel like I’m not alone and that I’m not the only one who’s a quirky therapist. One of the amazing things about this group is how each therapist is different, which speaks to the uniqueness of therapy and the uniqueness of the individual seeking out therapy. A client may connect better with one therapist than another, therefore, we are able to collaborate and refer clients to one another. I have already seen a lot of growth and confidence in myself because of my conversations with these therapists. And although I can’t walk into their office after a session to process a case with them, I know that I can always call and reach out to them. When we do meet, I can gain their perspectives and insight, helping me to be a better counselor. Yes, talking about counseling with friends and family is good, but being able to talk to another counselor is rejuvenating, comforting, and a lot of crazy fun. So, get yourself a counseling friend.

The most rewarding aspect of being a therapist so far has been building rapport and trust with clients and witnessing firsthand my clients’ courage and vulnerability toward healing. I firmly believe for therapy to work there needs to be trust between the therapist and client. The kicker is that I can only build trust when I allow myself to be authentic. Completely myself. A little goofy, empathetic, honest, and flawed. Connecting with my clients on a human level allows them to feel accepted and seen. If they experience such, they will be willing to trust, put down their walls and be open to change. And for me, what I appreciate and love the most is the process of building trust and not just looking for the results. The process is raw, it’s real, and it’s healing. From stumbling over my words with a client who does the same and both of us laughing, to challenging my client to complete an exercise, seeing them rolling their eyes, and being resistant but doing it anyways. And by our next session, we are laughing about it and getting excited over an accomplishment that my client didn’t think was worth celebrating. I enjoy shooting the breeze and getting to know my clients; what they enjoy doing, who they are, and what makes them tick. Being able to relate to a client personally or contribute some reflection that’s more “me” rather than science and seeing them relieved or engaged. Yes, trust is so important, and oh how I love the process.

As a therapist, I get to witness firsthand God’s glory in the lives of my clients. Through my vocation, I hope to convey the reality that God’s love, mercy, and grace can only shine through and be effective where there’s but great suffering and darkness (there I go, being dramatic) and it’s a constant process. Just like His whisper, God’s love and mercy are at many times given bit by bit depending on the receptivity of the client’s acceptance to change. And so, one would have to stay awhile to see Him move and if you’re not paying attention, you’ll miss it. There’s nothing like walking a difficult and rocky road with a client whose experience broke down her self-worth and after a year of therapy where she was challenged, empathized with, learned to celebrate, and reinforce her core beliefs to then see the incredible transformation during and after treatment. One of my favorite books (that’s not a counseling book) is called Killer Angels by Michael Shaara. It’s a historical fiction book based on the civil war, specifically, the battle of Gettysburg. In the book, one of the characters describes how humankind can cause so much bloodshed, so much chaos, so much suffering, and yet, in the middle of the greatest treaties, the greatest maleficence, and the greatest of suffering, there is but a “divine spark” in each human soul. And it’s that spark that determines the hope that can be derived from the greatest of darkness. As a counselor, I see much suffering, I hear the stories of my clients and I see their pain but I also witness their mini resurrections, their triumphs, and their progress. This causes me to reflect and be amazed at how my clients are capable to make real change, obtaining true healing, and living a more fulfilled life because of who they truly are; truly good and ordained by the divine. I get to witness this on a profound level every time I enter a therapy session. I am reminded daily how thankful I am that I get to walk with my clients on their journey to self-rediscovery and true transformation.